Amber Dhanani listens as Hazel Kesner tells of her 60-year relationship and the mistakes she made out of love. Kesner has taught the Within My Reach curriculum, designed to give Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) recipients effective communication and relationship tools, at Oklahoma County 55B for more than three years.
“I admire you for coming into the TANF program, which is not a hand out, but a hand up. It will help you gain control and get a handle on your life again. You’re taking charge of your life now.”
Hazel Kesner offers advice and guidance to the four participants of the Temporary Assistance for Needy Families orientation class at the OKDHS Oklahoma County 55B office. The 79-year-old volunteer shares her life experiences, as well as her 60-year-long marriage experience with women attending the Within My Reach class.
“I give them a lot of my experience that I think is helpful,” said Kesner, a retired college professor and counselor. “Relationships – all relationships, whether between significant others, children, your employer or your OKDHS worker – are hard. These skills can benefit anyone.”
Those seeking TANF benefits participate in a weeklong orientation at the Oklahoma County office. According to Gary Mears, social services specialist II and 17-year OKDHS employee, participants devote part of their week to identifying job and other resources, while they spend two days working the Within My Reach program.
“Know as much as you can about any adult you invite into your life. Be selfish – do and think and respond in a selfish manner,” said Kesner. “By this I mean make the best decisions you can make for yourself and for your children.”
When the orientation began three years ago, Mears used the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program curriculum. They learned, though, that unmarried participants couldn’t relate to material that stressed marriage.
“When I came in here, I wasn’t too interested,” said Danesha L. Douglas, who has an eight-month-old daughter. “I thought it was geared to people in relationships or who are married. As I listened, though, I learned it’s more about dealing with kids, employers, family. It’s most definitely been helpful.”
In October 2005, the office launched Within My Reach. The revised PREP curriculum helps the single parent develop skills to communicate effectively in all situations.
“The idea is to use the speaker-listener technique,” said Kesner. “It’s about discovery, identifying the problem and understanding it.”
Participants receive a combination of Kesner’s no-nonsense advice, share their own experiences, role play and answer questions in their workbook.
“If I can find something that helps me have a relationship with my kids’ father, all of our lives will be better,” said Deanese Tubbs, mother of three children. “If I can just focus on calming down…this program has shown me other ways of talking to him.”