By Cari Crittenden, OKDHS volunteer chaplain
This time of year brings so much to mind. Cooler weather, football, holiday decorations, shopping and food is just a start. The accompanying hustle and bustle of the upcoming holidays fills us with a sense of anticipation. For some of us, it is the excitement of spending time with family and friends. For others, it’s the dread of spending time alone or missing loved ones during a time when others celebrate with family. For me, it is a little of both.
I love spending time with my family during the holidays. After we’ve stuffed ourselves on holiday dinners, we usually enjoy playing games or cards together. Like most families, there’s always a little bit of drama when we’re all together. But, we are pretty good at moving on to enjoy the plate of food in front of us.
One of my favorite holiday activities is driving around looking at holiday decorations while my preschool age kids sing their version of holiday songs. I enjoy seeing homemade decorations that have been used year after year at my parents’ and grandparents’ houses. One of my favorites is a bell made out of a flowerpot, a washer and a piece of rope. It is painted bright green and has a holiday sticker that is now held in place by yellowing scotch tape. I made the bell in first grade. My Mimaw and Papaw let me ring it Christmas morning to wake up the rest of the family. It was a tradition that took about three minutes per year, but is a lifelong memory for me.
About a month after I started with OKDHS, my Papaw died. His death was unexpected and happened the Monday before Thanksgiving. There are a lot of things I remember about that day. I remember the song I was listening to as I pulled in the parking lot that day. The song is called “Heirlooms." It is on an old Amy Grant Christmas album. It talks about the value of family. I’m not sure why I felt so nostalgic that morning, but I had to finish the song before I went in the office. I had been at my desk less than an hour when I got the call from my parents telling me my Papaw had suffered a heart attack. The hospital was performing CPR until my grandmother could get there.
Needless to say, Thanksgiving is a lot different for us now. While we still enjoy the company of those around us, the weight of his absence seems heavier this time of year. Not only did his death hit me like a ton of bricks because it was so unexpected, it was the first time I’d lost a grandparent. But, at 36 years old, I still have three living grandparents. It may be a result of losing Papaw, growing up, or the highs and lows of parenting, but I find myself trying to be more appreciative of the people and blessings in my life. My dad’s parents just celebrated their 70th wedding anniversary. Sometimes that just amazes me! I have parents that have supported me in spite of my failures, disappointments and rebellion. Who could ask for better examples? What kind of example am I to my children? Do my words and actions show them how much they mean to me?
It is hard to be grateful during times of frustration and pain. There are days when we are so overwhelmed by our circumstances; we miss the blessings around us because we don’t have the energy to look for them. It is my sincere hope that you are not feeling completely overwhelmed right now. If you find yourself in that position, maybe a fresh perspective would help you. When I have trouble finding something to be happy about, I find that being helpful to someone else usually cheers me up. Sometimes an action as small as a kind word is all it takes for me to distract myself from whatever is on my mind. Could a distraction be what you need in order to gain a fresh perspective on your own life’s circumstances? Give yourself permission to take a break from worrying. Give yourself permission to feel good for a while. What can you be thankful for today? Is there something you can do for a friend, coworker, or neighbor to show your gratitude? In looking for a way to be a blessing to someone around you, you just might find a blessing of your own.