Parent guide to cyberbullying

What is a cyberbully?
A cyberbully is someone who uses technology to harass, embarrass, intimidate or stalk someone else. The methods used include e-mails, instant messaging, text messages sent via cell phones, digital photos and all other means of electronic communications.

The cyberbully:

• sends angry and vulgar argumentative messages;
• sends cruel, offensive and insulting messages;
• sends threats and false promises;
• posts secrets or embarrassing information, including pictures, for everyone to see;
• posts gossip or rumors for the explicit purpose of damaging a person's reputation;
• sends out messages pretending to be the victim in an attempt to damage that person's friendships; or
• alienates the victim from online groups

Who is a cyberbully?
Many times, a cyberbully is also a bully in face-to-face encounters. Bullying over the computer is a natural extension of the bully's destructive behavior. Some people who become cyberbullies are the victims of bullying. The bully may take out anger and frustration in cyberspace. The bully may be targeting the people who bully them, or the bully may pick a different target. Some cyberbullies regard cyberbullying as a game, nothing more than a fun thing to do.

Who are the cyberbully's victims? 
Most victims of cyberbullies are children, but there are also many adults who are cyberbullying victims. Usually, cyber bullies know their victim, but occasionally they pick victims they don't know. In these situations, the cyberbully picks on someone based on a type of bias or prejudice. They may pick on a person based on religion, race, gender, sexual orientation or because the person is deemed "not cool." Other times, the bully picks on someone based on a message the person posted the bully doesn't like.

Is cyberbullying worse than physical bullying?
Many people erroneously assume "words can never hurt." In cyberspace, however, cyberbullies can strike any time, anywhere, thanks to modern technology. As long as the victims are online, they can be vulnerable to cyberbullying.

Many bullies pick on people for the feeling of power it gives them. Because the Internet seems to give anonymity, cyberbullying is often seen to have fewer consequences to the bullies, which can encourage them to be more aggressive.

Another aspect of cyberspace that can lead cyberbullies to be more vicious than physical bullies is cyberbullies aren't physically there when they are harassing their victims. This can lead to a lessened empathy. Since the bullies cannot see how much they are hurting the victims, they may think they have not actually hurt them much or at all and, thus, continue the harassing behavior.

Some cyberbullies believe there are no rules in cyberspace. They feel free to do whatever they wish. More than that, they believe they have the right to do whatever they want in cyberspace without suffering any consequences.

What are the warning signs that your child may be a victim of cyberbullying?
Some signs that indicate a child is the victim of cyberbullying are when the child:

• displays signs of depression, sadness, anxiety or fear -- particularly if these signs intensify after your child uses the cell phone or after being online;
• avoids friends, activities or school;
• experiences difficulty with school or a drop in grades for no apparent reason; or
• expresses subtle comments that indicate the child is disturbed or upset

What can parents do when their child is the target of cyberbullying?
Retaliation may only escalate the problem. If you respond to the cyberbully, help your child develop an appropriate response, asking the cyberbully to stop the behavior. This may resolve some of the problems.

By filtering e-mail, instant messages and text messages, you can cut off many of the ways cyberbullies contact your child. Have your child avoid the sites and groups where the attacks occur, thus ignoring the bully.

If the harassment continues, change your child's e-mail address, Internet account and usernames. If a believable physical threat is made, the police should be contacted.

If none of these steps are successful, you may need to take one of the following additional actions:

• Compile a copy of all harassing messages and postings. Save the addresses of Web sites where other hostile information, embarrassing pictures or negative messages are posted. The more documentation you can save, the better.
• Contact your child's school. Even if the cyberbullying is not occurring in school, officials may be able to assist.
• If possible, contact the bully's parents. In many cases, they are unaware of their child's behavior. Send them a registered letter detailing the messages and asking them to make the bullying stop. They could be held liable for financial and emotional damages.
• Finally, if the situation is not resolved, contact the police.